Once again life has taken the rough road.  And once again, it just seems easier for me to put my feelings into print rather than voicing them. 

I lost my Dad to complications of lung cancer almost 3 years ago.  A sad loss to all who knew him, but a devastating loss to my family.  A loss we're all very much struggling with.  I see evidence of the struggle nearly everyday, in my kids, my Mom, my sisters & brother.  All in all, I really feel like I've been living under a cloud since we lost him & I think that's how my whole family feels.  After all, he was the very back bone & support of our family.  He was THE MAN! 

Now my other Dad, my biological Dad, is suffering from bone cancer. 

I never even knew of Jim until I was about 13 yrs old, & met him for the first time when I was 22 & he called me after first getting my phone number & the go ahead from my Mom, or my uncle.  My mom called me first to prepare me for his call & I was elated to be talking to him & planning to meet him.  We got to be very close for several years.  Then, for reasons that are just kind of unexplainable, I just lost touch with him. 

It's been probably 10 yrs almost since I last spoke with him & he now lives out of state with his wife, but he's kept in touch with my youngest daughter, by phone & e-mail.   Of course when she told me about his cancer, I e-mailed him, not really knowing what kind of response to expect, & knowing I deserved nothing kind from him. 

But being the kind of person he is, he took up with me just as if none of those long years had ever come between us. 

Tonite I finally worked up the courage to telephone him.  And believe me, it was hard. 

But now I'm so glad I did.  He seemed genuinely happy to hear from me.  I know he was.  I feel terribly guilty - I AM terribly guilty.

I don't know how much time he has.  He's had radiation treatments & has just now started chemo.

He's a good man, who regrets one big mistake he made in his life & could never quite correct that mistake, even tho he did try.  It's like he's paid for that one lousy mistake his entire life!  Maybe I'll be able to get out there to visit him soon.  I sure hope so.

I'm off to my Mom's this week-end & then up to the river for a week of R & R at the cabin.  I'll write again when I get back home! 

Hi Cathy, thanks for the visit. I am so glad that you called your dad and I just know he was thrilled. Sometimes life is hard. Take care dear, enjoy your week at the cabin.

Forget the past, deal with today and make each day count. My Grandmother died last year of pancreatic Cancer, and I miss her. Yesterday is gone, tommorrow isnt her,so thats why they call today a Present. Take Care

My dear Cathy, my heart hurts for what you are going through right now. Be at peace in knowing that you took that step, then never look back, appreciate what time you do have NOW. Big hugs

The presence of California casinos is just like my cop example, like Italians and blacks, like so many other example indicitive of the god's methodology:::Use one disfavored to prey on another.
Just as the gods corrupted the Italians into the hunt with the Moorish invasion, so did they use the KKK as scapegoat, rednecks corrupted by 1906 to facilitate the act. It was the Italians who did the actual killings.


Don't cry "I need help!" yet go home and turn on the television. The gods don't respect this.
There is no such things as a savior. This is yet another tactic they have employed as temptation, much like "earning" or distractions.
You have to save yourself.

The Man in the Moon clue:::A constant companion, the "Man in the Moon" clue needs to be viewed as a reminder, for this environment is one in which it is very easy to lose your way, either via temptation or distraction.
Look to the sky. Begin to associate the Moon with the clue they impart with this celestial feature. Use it as a reminder to pray, to be god-fearing, for this is a very antient clue and shows their great power.
We only see one side of the moon at all times, another clue from the gods:::There is a "dark side" we don't see.


There is a BIG LIE here. Sigmund Freud proves it.
Wine proves it. Democracy proves it. Materialism/greed proves it.
The middle management tactic allows them to maintain this perception of an "absentee good (Christian) god", ensuring one of the goals of the United States remains useful::::NO FEAR!!!
The gods instruct Artificial Intelligence to employ evil as temptation. If people still believed in the Devil at least they would be on the lookout. Resign to be good.
Where does the Biblical number "666" ocurr within the context of The Beast, the San Francisco Bay Area???

The gods are sending a clue Yahoo is good with this Chinese censorship issue.
The American idea of freedom is a shock rocker anally masterbating with a crucifix. This is what the disfavo